Should We Sue... Numan?!?

Numan - not Newman!
You silly Seinfeldians...!
But let's not digress right off the bat here...

Here on the TLB Prime Network, everybody loves Todd! Todd Agnew, that is! (You did not think it was Todd MacFarlane - did you?!? And, yes, it is a reference to that other sitcom - which we consider to be far superior to ''Seinfeld'' - that freak show! ''Everybody Loves Raymond', was a 100 times better! Wanna sue us for that? Huh? HUH? Darn - we *are* getting digressed here... Or digressive? Rhymes with aggressive! Sue me, willya?!?)

Let's try again: everyone loves Todd here...
And everyone loves Jesus! Of course!
See - nothing but love...!

In fact we love that particular Toddster -Agnew- largely due to the following song: MY JESUS...

What a powerful song - the lyrics say it all and are, near the end, a veritable profession of faith and devotion - full of the questioning that is particular to the Christian, the true one that is... This song is a masterpiece, unquestionably. Every Christian should listen to it every once in a while; it will reinforce them. 

Now, it came as somewhat of a shock to one's system when the existence of ANOTHER SONG titled MY JESUS came to our attention - and its author was that old stand-by from the eighties, Gary Numan. Numan? Numan! (Yes - I have been inferring that you say it like Jerry Seinfeld used to say it, whenever he would run into his mock nemesis... Newman, of course... from the very start, here! You don't have a PROBLEM with that now; do ya? But let's move on - and go straight to the point!)

Numan's version of MY JESUS is all about what JESUS represents to him and people like him - and so he focuses not on the Divinity but on the pain that He suffered; the more material aspects of His Life; the surface value, basically... Clearly, this could be an attempt to nullify faith in the Son of God and only see the Son of Man in Him...

At first, I gave this the benefit of the doubt - on donne une chance au coureur, comme on dit quelque part en France, n'est-ce pas...! Despite all its obvious darker resonances, I thought it did bring one positive to the table: that he spoke of Jesus to crowds not used to it. And that was certainly very positive in and by itself - right?!? Of course, it is all in the way that you do it and in the way that these crowds receive it and perceive it...

How do *you* perceive this piece of music...?

Have a listen for yourselves now, with this extended version right here:

What do you say, people - was Numan inspired to do this out of professional jealousy? Or by something far darker than even that? I ask the question, plain and simple: was Gary Numan in fact an instrument of the devil here?!? His song seems to have an agenda: to strip of their faith anyone who sees past the crucifixion and death of the Christ and Believes in a Greater Meaning to it all - in His Resurrection, namely, and in The Salvation that He -and only He- Brings! It clearly sounds devil-inspired, both in the tangent that the lyrics take as in the dark, brooding interpretation of the song that Numan gives us. And in the overall sound of the song, for that matter! Hell, isn't that melody wicked or isn't it? Alas, we think it is! And, in so being, it is pretty much the antithesis of what Agnew did: and that, alas, is no good - no good at all!

Maybe a Christian coalition (not this one) should get a class action suit going here against this Numan guy - for fake or, outright, anti-preaching sub-text or something?!?  He should have stuck to Cars...!

Of course, if all he is doing is sharing with the world his warped view of what Jesus represents to him and only him - well, maybe we can still sue him for being such an idiot? Surely we can...! After all, he is being but a tool here - the devil's tool - and anyone who is that is but an abysmal fool! Let's not take too kindly to fools, shall we, now? Fools invite a beating, The Bible says! Hence, he's begging for one - in court! (Let,s do things lawfully or not at all, OK?) For Numan surely is one indeed; but a fool who has nothing to say about Jesus other than gibberish and surely that does not qualify as adequate proselytism?

While we are at this, we might as well have a closer second look at Personal Jesus too - Depeche Mode might have been less obviously *a tool* but we never know... Right?
Let's not miss a chance to sue some guilty party - any guilty party, to whatever degree - and at any given time or opportunity, folks!

Amen!
+++

I should sue...

GUY RITCHIE!

For making a barbaric, ruffian travesty of the once gentlemanly and well-mannered Sherlock HOLMES!!!

And to have done so using Tony Stark, of all people...
Or is that Charlie Chaplin?

And Jude Law is way too skin-and-bones to play a convincing Watson - COME ON!
Never mind the damnable English accent...!

The entire thing would have been much more credible if it had been an attempt at recreating The Wild Wild West - alas, Will Smith, Kevin Kline and that awful American director I will not even bother to name here, succeeded in ruining that YEARS ago already...!

Sherlock had to be next... I mean *HOLMES!*

What is going to be seen coming at us now - a revamped (for the worst) Charlie Chan, perhaps - with JACKIE CHAN in the title role? Chuck Norris in a remake of "The Old Man And The Sea" (the only reason why the Sea had the best of the Old Man in the book and all previous film adaptations? Because the Old Man was not Chuck Norris! Guy Ritchie can rectify that now!) or Jean-Claude Van Damme as Don Quixote - with Danny DeVito as Sancho Panza (come on, Dan: it is a better role than The Penguin was! Or that your version of it was, rather...) and what of that odd couple for the millennium, Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson as the NEW Men From U.N.C.L.E. after that (hey - that was my idea! The Wedding Crashers as the best Thrush Thwarters around! Makes total complete sense to me after THIS...)

I can see aaaaall that happening now - very, very soon!

Holmes (sorry - HOLMES!) as a hirsute, rough-around-the-edges, burly, brutish even BOXER and smelly sleuth whose personal hygiene is put into question - WHAT THE HELL IS THAT CRAP...! Sir Arthur Conan Doyle must be rolling in his grave over this and this alone - it is enough, I tell you!

To have the actor raising the possibility that HOLMES might even be GAY on top of all that is enough reason to SUE, all right!

And let's not get into the villain chosen for this piece - it might be aggravating beyond the realm of a mere lawsuit! So let's avoid that at all costs - a counter-suit is at risk...!

Let's neither get on the case of the equally lousy Watson...
Nor the presence of the suddenly overused Rachel McAdams...!

Moriarty might sue for being left out of this one - and ''saved'' for the next flick!

Unless it is that giant of a man who sues for having been used and abused like a Richard ''Jaws'' Kiel, jadis, and forced to effectively ''job'' to a pint-sized Downey Jr...!





And maybe, also, perhaps, we can sue Guy for having divorced that Mad Onna, causing her to seek (further) sacrilegious fame in seeking (not so desperately - but still pathetically enough) a tadpole who simply happened to be named... Jesus.

And then there was one named LUZ too - which I take offense to, on a very personal level - but that is another story, too!

Let's try and remain focused here, solely on HOLMES!

I guess I really have got a tooth (and a case) against Guy here, don't I?
And besides, who else is there to do it? I mean, Arthur Conan Doyle cannot do it himself from where he is (he's not even tossing and turning in his grave over this, I assure thee: where he truly is, he has absolutely no importance whatsoever to attribute to all of this stuff anymore! I merely jested about his rolling over in the grave: any true believer knows better than that! ACD is not six feet under - his soul is FREE! But all that is another story: a beautiful story, for a change...)

The truth is that the kind Sir's estate doesn't seem to think anything's wrong here, in any regard - if they are not suing, how dare we then...?

Well - as I always say (especially when I lambaste) I dare because I care!)

Thus, it truly is up to MOI...!

To sue, to castigate, to run through the mud, tar and feathers...!

You know what?
I think I'll let it fly, this time...!

:-P